Tales from Azkaban Prison

thugkitchen: Next time someone tells you to eat more veggies,...

Fri, 24 May 2013 12:41:47 -0400

Next time someone tells you to eat more veggies, get down on of these tiny motherfuckers. These low fat, high fiber sons of bitches are healthy as shit without sacrificing flavor. Trying to eat better? START WITH A FUCKING BURGER.

SMOKEY BEAN AND SPINACH SLIDERS

2 cups chopped fresh spinach

1 cup chopped onion

3 cups cooked kidney beans or 2-15 ounce can

1/2 cup cooked brown rice (use leftovers)

4 cloves of garlic, chopped all small and shit

1 tablespoon liquid smoke (like I said, it is near the BBQ sauce at the store I swear. You haven’t even looked yet so stop complaining. It is there)

2 teaspoon soy sauce or tamari

1 tablespoon smoked paprika

2 teaspoons oregano

1 ½ teaspoons ground cumin

black pepper to taste

1/2 cup whole wheat breadcrumbs (any breadcrumbs you have are fine. Got nothing? Just toast up some bread until it is almost burnt looking and real dry then grate them shits or put them in a food processor to get some tiny fucking crumbs. They help soak up all the liquid so don’t leave this shit out)

Warm the oven to 375 degrees and lightly grease a large baking sheet. You can throw down some foil and then grease it if you are a lazy fuck like me and hate doing dishes.

Add the spinach and onion to a food processor and pulse until they are in tiny-ass pieces. Add the kidney beans, rice, garlic, liquid smoke, soy sauce, and seasonings and pulse until everything is all mixed up. It’s fine if a few larger pieces of the beans hang around but you want this looking like kinda paste-like. Place the bean-spinach mixture into a medium bowl and add in the fucking breadcrumbs. This should be slightly sticky and hold nicely when you form it into a ball. If it is too wet, add more breadcrumbs. Taste it and add more spices and whatever until it tastes good to you. Can’t do that shit with ground beef.

No food processor? It’s all good. Just cut up the spinach and the onion extra tiny and add everything but breadcrumbs to a big bowl. Now pound on that shit until it looks like chunky mash potatoes. Then add the breadcrumbs and do all the other shit I say above.

Divide the mixture into 16 patties if you are making sliders or 8 patties if you are making regular burgers. Whateverthefuck you want to do. Place them on the baking sheet, spray them lightly with oil (slow your roll, I said LIGHTLY) and bake for 15 minutes or until the bottom is a crispy golden brown. Flip the patties and bake for 15 or until both sides look awesome. If you are doing full size burgers you might need to let the sides go 5 extra minutes. Let them cool for a few minutes before serving. Pile them high with red onion, avocado, whatever additional deliciousness you’ve got and chow the fuck down.

Makes 16 sliders or 8 regular patties

theblueboxonbakerstreet: curiousgeorgiana: theladyofthorns: ...

Fri, 24 May 2013 12:17:17 -0400

theblueboxonbakerstreet:

curiousgeorgiana:

theladyofthorns:

#a man is regretting giving the power of life and death to a vengeful 11-year old #a man should have expected this to go badly

#a man did not think this through

#a man looks at his life #a man looks at his choices

the-laughing-cactus: jaclcfrost: if i was in a fictional universe i wouldn’t be the main character...

Fri, 24 May 2013 10:45:33 -0400

the-laughing-cactus:

jaclcfrost:

if i was in a fictional universe i wouldn’t be the main character i’d probably be that friend of the main character who lacks supernatural powers or special abilities but makes up for it with sarcasm and really lame one-liners

vangoghgogh: dorkery: andrewbaggott: Billy Joel - We Didn’t...

Fri, 24 May 2013 00:57:02 -0400

vangoghgogh:

dorkery:

andrewbaggott:

Billy Joel - We Didn’t Start The Fire

Harry Truman, Doris Day, Red China, Johnnie Ray, South Pacific, Walter Winchell, Joe DiMaggio, Joe McCarthy, Richard Nixon, Studebaker, Television, North Korea South Korea, Marilyn Monroe, Rosenbergs, H-Bomb, Sugar Ray, Panmunjom, Brando, The King and I, The Catcher in the Rye, Eisenhower, vaccine, England’s got a new queen, Marciano, Liberace, Santayana goodbye

Joseph Stalin, Malenkov, Nasser, Prokofiev, Rockefeller, Campanella, Communist bloc, Roy Cohn, Juan Perón, Toscanini, Dacron, Dien Bien Phu falls, Rock Around the Clock, Einstein, James Dean, Brooklyn’s got a winning team, Davy Crockett, Peter Pan, ElvisPresley, Disneyland, Bardot, Budapest, Alabama, Khrushchev, Princess Grace, Peyton Place, Trouble in the Suez

Little Rock, Pasternak, Mickey Mantle, Kerouac, Sputnik, Chou En-Lai, Bridge on the River Kwai, Lebanon, Charles de Gaulle, California, Baseball, Starkweather homicides, Children of Thalidomide, Buddy Holly, Ben-Hur, Space Monkey, Mafia, Hula hoops, Castro, Edsel is a no-go, U-2, Syngman Rhee, Payola, Kennedy, Chubby Checker, Psycho, Belgians in the Congo

Hemingway, Eichmann, Stranger in a Strange Land, Dylan, Berlin, Bay of Pigs Invasion, Lawrence of Arabia, British Beatlemania, Ole’ Miss, John Glenn, Liston beats Patterson, Pope Paul, Malcolm X, British politician sex, JFK, blown away! What else do I have to say?

Birth control, Ho Chi Minh, Richard Nixon back again, Moonshot, Woodstock, Watergate, Punkrock, Begin, Reagan, Palestine, Terror on the airline, Ayatollah’s in Iran, Russians in Afghanistan, Wheel of Fortune, Sally Ride, Heavy metal suicide, Foreign debts, Homeless vets, AIDS, Crack, Bernie Goetz, Hypodermics on the shore, China’s under martial law, Rock-and-roller cola wars

Educate yourselves, buckos.

My manager can recite this entire song in under a minute, it’s CRAY

we can all go home, this is the best post on tumblr

kohichapeau: i don’t really know whether i should laugh or...

Fri, 24 May 2013 00:40:25 -0400

kohichapeau:

i don’t really know whether i should laugh or cry.

thecakebar: Apple Pie Cookies Tutorial {click link for full...

Thu, 23 May 2013 02:37:03 -0400

thecakebar:

Apple Pie Cookies Tutorial {click link for full recipe and tutorial}

lolsofunny: (lol here!)

Wed, 22 May 2013 11:10:37 -0400

lolsofunny:

(lol here!)

karatam: nightosphering: postapocalypticfashion: When Aisha...

Mon, 20 May 2013 21:58:40 -0400

karatam:

nightosphering:

postapocalypticfashion:

When Aisha Tyler was selected to be the presenter for the 2012 Ubisoft E3 press conference, she received an unprecedented flood of hate from trolls who complained about the fact that she knew nothing about gaming. Too bad haters didn’t do their homework first, because as it turns out Aisha Tyler knows more about gaming that all of us put together. Her Facebook response was awesome and predictably went viral. In case you missed it, here’s her masterpiece. Haters, take note.

Dear Gamers

I play.

I’ve played since I was a little kid.

Since I begged my dad to buy me a Nintendo LCD Donkey Kong, Jr.

Since I blew through three weeks’ allowance playing Defender at the laundromat.

Since you were a twinge in the left side of your daddy’s underoos.

I’ve been a gamer since I made friends with a girl in the 5th grade just to get at her Atari.

Since I missed the bus playing Galaga after school.

Since I missed the start of Return of the Jedi playing Tempest in the theater lobby.

You think you know. You don’t know.

I’ve been a gamer since before you could read.

Since I aced midterms after staying up all night playing Evil Tetris.

Since I became dorm champ at Leisure Suit Larry.

Since I double-wielded on Time Crisis 3 at Fuddrucker’s.

I was a voice in not one, but two major video game titles.

I hosted the Reach Beta tutorial.

I was a Gears of War superfan panelist at ComicCon.

I hosted the Ubisoft presser at E3 2012.

I didn’t do any of it for the money.

For most I got paid next to nothing, and for some, less than that.

I did it because I love video games.

Because I’ve dreamt since I was a kid of being in one of the games I love.

How many games have you done voices for?

How many cons have you repped at?

Your buddy’s Unreal Tournament garage deathmatch doesn’t count.

I go to E3 each year because I love video games.

Because new titles still get me high.

Because I still love getting swag.

Love wearing my gamer pride on my sleeve.

People ask me what console I play.

Motherfucker, ALL of them.

I get invited to E3 because real gamers know I’m a gamer.

I don’t do it for the money.

I have plenty of money.

I don’t do it for the fame.

Fuck fame.

I do it because I love video games.

I don’t give out my gamertag because I don’t want a mess of noob jackholes lining up

to assassinate me on XBL.

I don’t give a shit what you think about my gamerscore.

I don’t play to prove a point.

I don’t play to be the best.

I play because I love it.

I play.

I’ve been playing my whole life.

I’m not ashamed of it.

I don’t apologize for it.

It’s who I am.

To the core.

I’m a gamer.

So to all the haters out there who claim I don’t play;

To the GAF dicks,

Gamespot trolls,

To every illiterate racist douchebag on Youtube:

Flame away. Go nuts.

Post every jackass comment your heart desires.

I’ll still be playing when your mom’s kicked you out of her basement

and you have to sell your old-ass console

and get a real job.

For now, I say to you respectfully,

and I mean this from the bottom of my heart,

GFYS.

#distant sound of a mic being dropped

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_burn_centers_in_the_United_States

17 days of my favourite things: day sixteen: favourite...

Sat, 18 May 2013 19:20:19 -0400

17 days of my favourite things:

day sixteen: favourite youtuber

Vlogbrothers [1/?]

fishingboatproceeds: Butler has uploaded a video of...

Fri, 17 May 2013 21:00:08 -0400

fishingboatproceeds:

Butler has uploaded a video of my commencement address to the class of 2013, which one can’t help but notice…is longer than the 12 minutes I so confidently promised. I sort of quit working the last month and did nothing but write this speech, and I couldn’t even get the time right. (I guess I read a lot faster alone in my basement.)

SORRY!

I’d like to thank everyone who’s shared the speech, especially the Los Angeles Times, Publishers Weekly, Galleycat, and Entertainment Weekly.

If you’d prefer to read the speech, you can do so here.

I went to church with my family tonight and the pastor said something that I think every Christian should hear

Fri, 17 May 2013 19:12:11 -0400

Pastor: Now, according to a few passages in the bible, homosexuality is a sin.
Couple of older males in the audience: Amen!
Pastor: Now, wait, I'm not finished.
Pastor: You know what else the bible defines as a sin? Divorce.
-uncomfortable silence-
Pastor: There are countless passages that talk about how divorce is wrong, and that there are consequences to getting a divorce, such as the wife should be stoned.
Pastor: Yet, I witnessed a divorce just this morning. And I gotta tell you, it was heartbreaking, but I definitely didn't attempt to throw rocks at the wife, even though she was the one who filed for divorce.
Pastor: We choose to overlook the consequences of divorce because time has proven that they're inhumane and cruel.
Pastor: The bible doesn't say anything about the consequences of a homosexual lifestyle. Yet, we seem to be spearheading a campaign to ruin the lives of people we don't even know.
-the pastor shifts a few notes around-
Pastor: The bible states to love thy neighbor. That's it. There are no other rules or restrictions to that passage.
Pastor: So, we as a church family have to support equality with a smile on our face. THAT is the true Christian way.

Photo

Fri, 17 May 2013 11:43:05 -0400

❒ Single ❒ Taken ✔ I don’t want to get married. I want to stay single and let my hair flow through the wind, as I ride through the glen firing arrows into the sunset.

Fri, 17 May 2013 02:41:10 -0400

fuckyeahfeminists: sophiabiabia: cognitivedissonance: lemondif...

Fri, 17 May 2013 02:13:17 -0400

fuckyeahfeminists:

sophiabiabia:

cognitivedissonance:

lemondifficult:

bidenette:

Le boom.

Oh snap

Wow

OOOOHHHHHHHH BURRNNN

Photo

Thu, 16 May 2013 12:16:15 -0400

Photo

Tue, 14 May 2013 11:18:24 -0400

Photo

Tue, 14 May 2013 11:09:25 -0400

Photo

Tue, 14 May 2013 10:58:46 -0400

plantagenet: footroose: amnestygirl: plantagenet: …daughter...

Mon, 13 May 2013 22:22:49 -0400

plantagenet:

footroose:

amnestygirl:

plantagenet:

…daughter of death, bride of fire, mother of dragons.

I’m only reblogging this so I can rant.

So basically Daenerys Targaryen, one of the strongest female characters on television, is ‘great by birth’ (i.e. who her father is) ‘greater by marriage’ (i.e. who her husband is) and ‘greatest still is her offspring’ (i.e. who her ‘children’ are).

Women can be great on their own terms. Daenerys isn’t great because she’s a Targaryen, She’s not great because she married Khal Drogo. She’s not even great because she has dragons.

She’s great because she’s a young woman who knows her own mind and who is determined and intelligent. She perseveres through a whole load of shit and she frees slaves and sacks cities. To say that what makes her great is her relationships to other men (who aren’t even as good as she is, anyway) seems very odd to me.

I fully agree. Whoever made this image is a sexist piece of shit.

Whoaaa whoa, okay - I get that yelling sexism is a hell of a lot easier than using Google, but here, I’ll lay it all out for you.

Because, idk, maybe it’s a surprise but I actually put a lot thought into the graphics I make and usually that thought is not or ever ‘lol chix can’t do shit//matter cuz ther proximity to penises’.

My response is largely to being called a sexist piece of shit. Like, if you want to call me that and you don’t want to check the quote, at least check out my fucking blog first, dude.

Okay, this is the goddamn epitaph of motherfucking Empress Matilda, a royal woman who fought a thirty year war to reclaim a throne she felt was rightfully hers, would have been the first woman to rule England, and who has more than a few similarities to the character of Daenerys Targaryen.

they are both closely tied to their lineage as conquerers

they both have brothers who die, leaving a succession crisis in their wakes

they both are sent off to marry foreign leaders at the age of 14

those foreign leaders command huge followings and both are given positions of high administrative power in their courts and become loved by their people

both those husbands die

it’s open to debate whether Matilda gave birth to a stillborn child; she was still seen as marriageable and as the heir to the english throne with no challengers in her way, she still came across many suitors

both then married rich, vain, attractive, self-centred men for territorial and military gain, and these marriages were both loveless

both had their thrones ‘stolen’ from them by previous allies

both have family members and allies in their homelands who they feel will support them upon their return

both are unable to return to their country of origin without first amassing a military force to help them win back said thrones

both are tenacious and determined to pursue their birthright but are criticised for disorganisation and having more passion than substance

both have three children; these children are boisterous and distracting and make it difficult to amass said army on account of their going through adolescence

for both of them, the eldest child is the strongest, the most difficult to tame but ultimately their key to victory (‘victory’ here for Daenerys being (I will predict) her winning back her throne, for Matilda it was in asserting that her son, henry, would become king)

Beneath Matilda’s epitaph it is written: here lies daughter, wife and mother of Henry.

Now, I’m not going to launch into a full scale discussion of the sexism the Empress Matilda faced in attempting to assert her claim. The Middle Ages were a sexist period. I assume people generally know this - even if they don’t bother to use Google.

The text on this image SPEAKS FROM A MEDIEVAL PERSPECTIVE. IT WAS WRITTEN IN 1168. In the context of high-medieval femininity Matilda’s epitaph represents the uppermost summit of a woman’s aspirations IN A PREDOMINANTLY MASCULINE WORLD - becoming widely revered through all crucial responsibilities expected of a noblewoman - being an obedient daughter, being a helpful consort and being a loving and productive mother.

A feminist did not write Matilda’s epitaph, yeah? It was, in all likelihood, written a man (maybe even her son), though it could have been her personal construction too being that she was a powerful product of her times and her times were sexist as all hell.

This was the legacy DESIGNED for her in a world where her grandfather was a conquerer, her father was king, her husband was an emperor, and her son ruled over the largest English territory yet known. She lived in a time when ‘queen’ was not a female-synonym for ‘king’ but literally meant ‘wife of a king’. She was defined by her relationships to men because the men in her life were supreme rulers - the honour in her epitaph suggests to its medieval audience that she was a woman who was not just a QUEEN, but a PRINCESS, an EMPRESS and a QUEEN MOTHER. The terminology that existed could only accomplish signifying her unheard-of level of influence and respect by heaping on her three-fold proximity to absolute male dominated rule because that was the only rule that existed and literally nothing else could be imagined.

Today, that is an incredibly obtuse way of conceiving the world. In the time since Empress Matilda we have had Mary Tudor, Elizabeth I, Queen Anne, Elizabeth II - the idea of a royal female head of state is something that’s a canon of the times we live in. That, however, would not be possible without the lengths taken by Matilda in the twelfth century, who planted the seed in the medieval mind-set that a woman had all the potential to lead a military campaign and sit on a throne and rule with poise and intelligence. She didn’t accomplish it, but she was still revolutionary.

Daenerys is similarly revolutionary in her world. Maybe you’ve noticed that Westeros is pretty similar to medieval Europe, in that it’s male-dominated, sexist and incapable of imagining a serious female rule without significant male supervision. It is exactly the sort of society that would say this in hindsight about Daenerys Targaryen, because her bravery and her singularity cannot be denied but the visible legacy she inspires at a popular level is, at this time, based, not on her personality, but in her unique ascension from the daughter of death to the bride of fire to the mother of fucking dragons.

I made this graphic using a canonical perspective. Good job, you’ve isolated that it’s a sexist commentary for a woman, because it is, because canonically the world of ASOIAF is sexist. I, however, am not. I’m a historian who studies medieval dynasties in all their horror and glory.

I am not just copy-pasting apocryphal sounding crap or making up assonancy sayings to slap onto my graphics. I actually think about them for a quite a while, and you made a judgment about me in a second. Please review who is the piece of shit here.

I’m gonna show you what a girl typically working out would look...

Mon, 13 May 2013 22:09:24 -0400

I’m gonna show you what a girl typically working out would look like versus what you want me to look like